Monday, 2 February 2009

Welcome to the Cretin Land that is British TV

MAYBE I’m just a jaded old fart, but I find almost everything I see on telly in this supposedly fabulous, digital age, not just boring but profoundly, worryingly depressing.
The general output across the UK freeview channels (the only ones I can be arsed to receive) convinces me that both the content providers of TV, and the viewers, are just so very thick, and their behaviour juvenile and repetitive.
The only programmes I actually look forward to watching these days are Coronation Street, Scrubs, and Harry Hill’s TV Burp. Perhaps I should add that I thought the Rab C Nesbit Crimbo special was also a blast - as indeed was an old repeat of the subversively philosophical Scottish sitcom which I saw just the other night.
Everything else is… shite, frankly.
Let’s examine the evidence … endless cops and docs pap (YES, including Whitechapel) … hysterical karaoke contests such as the Eurovision confection currently under way … the campfest Dancing on Ice … a ridiculous Pimp My Ride show featuring that idiot maracas merchant, Bez, from the Happy Mondays … and the absolute moron-fodder that is Hollyoaks.
Then there was something I watched about a Scrapheap Challenge which featured middle-aged men behaving like excitable schoolboy nerds ... and the return of Jonathan Ross' chat show with him greasing up shamlelessly to Tom Cruise (wot, no questions about Scientology?!) before asking the actor whether he farted in bed with his wife.
Modern telly, eh? Garbage piled upon garbage.
I was going to say that at least through January we’ve had a rest from seeing those lip-glossed bimbos Girls Aloud prancing around like sex industry workers as they did all over the Christmas period, but then again I’m sure while channel-hopping the other day up they popped again … or maybe it was just a bad dream.
Can anyone remember a single Girls Aloud song? The Women’s Liberation Movement struggled in vain and punk rock was futile if these cheap, tacky, groin-thrusting airheads are considered good.
Contemporary TV lacks the following qualities: good writing; and a different take on life other than that defined by our ailing pop music industry, tired old sex jokes, and the dead hand of a reality TV that's packed with celebrity-lite no-marks.
In future postings I will, of course, continue to have my say on the monstrous mess that is the TV industry, but I shall also be focusing on other weak spots in the culture of our country (Britain) and that of the wider, crumbling, degenerate West.
Keep the faith,


  1. Don't get you self excited, Sam, after all you predicted the dumbed down quagmore of the digital age more than 15 years ago. Sam Alabaster.

  2. I am getting you Sam. But what amazes me is that with just a little giggery pokery of some of the current TV formats, some of them could be really gripping shows.
    Take your example of 'Pimp my Ride'. Now if only those TV executives had spent a little more time thinking of the title they might have arrived at "Ride my Pimp". What a program that could be. I know I'd watch it for sure, possibly even pay a subscription if I could be guaranteed at least 3 minutes of foot footage an episode.

    And as for the 'X Factor', what a load of tosh. Where was the guy with the brain when they had their initial brainstorming? Just add two more Xs and your there. Duh!

    'Hotel Babylon'. Rubbish.
    'Hotel Babylons'. Not Rubbish.

    So come on TV, let's move forward and start getting some quality programming that people actually want to watch.

  3. Bodeker, I had to look up "babylons" - clearly a slag word, probably American, and quite saucy. Thre you go, mu knowledge has increased. Thank you. Steve Regan